Friday, 5 August 2011

In response to Generation Undecided

Well where to begin, with every line I am reading in this weeks Grazia article entitled Generation Undecided I am nodding and almost shouting out loud on the bus “that’s me, that’s me, I agree – what’s the solution?”.

Because although I agree with Sophie 100% I do wish – at times – I was more content with my lot that I didn’t constantly want more and better and it seems its not just me. My sister’s best friend sent her this the other day:

“God, if I can’t have what I want, let me want what I have”

And for today. On this miserable Friday – I agree. Or at least did until a Mui Mui bag came into my office and in my sight line and I panicked and thought HOW DOES SHE OWN ONE?! Because you see like most if not all girls I love nice things – the majority are out of my price range but hey ho no harm is scouring the net and shops, tweeting about stuff I want, going on powerwalks with @est1989 further talking about WHAT I WANT, NEED, MUST HAVE in my life.

The constant questioning of myself every Monday morning – am I in the right job, should I have topped up to the MSc NOW rather than in a year or so, why did you eat that burger over the weekend……it goes on. Luckily for me I tend to only evaluate on Mondays.

That’s why I totally identified with Sophie in the article. We constantly evaluate – me especially – where I am in my Plan…as in The Plan because I have one of those too and it involves me settling in a Georgian house somewhere growing veg, online shopping and lots of holidays and cycling at the weekend or high-powered CEO bb constantly stuck to my ear bit like Meryl in Devil Wears Prada but without the grey hair. is me. #FOMO (fearofmissingout).

My very first blog a couple of years ago entitled “Why Can’t I Have Everything” taken from a Topshop t-shirt I own moans about how we are told at University we can have it all, everything is in our grasp. As a result of this I spent my first year of full time work constantly measuring myself against these invisible bars I have placed for myself. My 21yr old self once after a conversation with a 29yr old finance accountant who was on around £45k told me as long as I was on the same salary as my age I was doing ok – only ok?! I almost cried. At this point I was on £15k – I had failed in life.

Our focus on what we actually want or who we want to be constantly changes which makes it even harder to reach the goals we set for ourselves. Take the past 20 odd months my main aim has been to lose weight – it then shifted not only do I want to lose weight but I want to be fit – now I want to be skinny, fit & healthy – all the time. Until I have 2 or more cocktails and then I am wishing I was 19 again sweating in some club going home with a pizza and an empty bank account.

Maybe the first step of Generation Undecided is accepting that you can’t have everything, but then my whiny response would be BUT WHY?!

Saturday, 30 July 2011

Late Friday post

I wanted to post this last night....but forgot to:

Its been one of those days when something happens and it takes your breath away and leaves you standing still in surprise. You stop what you doing, and you pick up the phone and call rather than text because its an immediate response thats needed. When you keep shaking your head and actually can't quite believe it, like by shaking your head you will be able to make some sense of it all.

Then the questioning and the wonder that its been allowed to happen, and who allowed it and why has it been allowed and surely its not right nor fair.

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Hi - I can't stop long....

I'm offically crap.

I haven't blogged for ages.

I need a kick up my bum but I have been busy but everyone's busy. Anyone missed me?!

Weddingville has totally taken over my life. I am spending my lunches following up emails, batting of questions to the venue about how many plates they've got (10 btw), wine glasses (25) and checking places like ikea for the cheapest dinner plate (31p) and do you know what I love it - and I like to think I am pretty good at it too. Tonight I am taking my friend to ikea to load up on 31p plates. They are cream - my mum ever the dramatic "CREAM!!! oh no - cream is horrible - why cream - no white, white plates we need". I like to think that cream is possibly one of the most inoffensive colours ever invented and white plates are £2 odd and when I am buying close to 80 of the things 31p cream plates will do ME not We.

Diet has been going you know - well (pauses to think)...I think - hmmm. You would think that the thought of having a dress fitting in approx 10 weeks would be enough to stop me scoffing 7.5 syn Walkers Baked crisp but no (remember I am slimming world ambassador). I have however been running twice a week with Jodie and now 'power' walking (and talking) with Leanne also twice a week. It is our therapy - we moan about life, lack of money, clothing prices. You know the usual and then last night I followed it up with 2 glasses of rose (6 syns each) gulp. We also like it just being the two of us. It is our own walking gang.

I am not just running, walking but in addition to this swimming as well - my fitness knows no bounds. I still only lost 1lb this week. Hollow Laugh. I blame the boy.

Update: Following my pledge of slimming world ambassador the boy made me sausages for tea (5 syns each)...and confession I also ate a 50p hotdog at Ikea I NEED HELP.

Friday, 1 July 2011

Help Required...

As you know I am getting married in March 2012 and as I am chief organiser most spare moments on the internet are spent looking for bits and bats for the I am sure most brides-to-be do. 

Its become a quest of mine saving images from the blogs I scour for ideas, making list after list, double checking the Budget with a capital B such is its importance, firing off emails and awaiting with baited breath for quotes to be returned. 

I decided fairly early on that I wanted the every increasingly popular 50's type of themed wedding. Mostly this is based on the MOH dress which I have found online for my sister C. Initially I was having 3 little bridesmaids which is made up of our nieces and 1 'big' bridesmaid - I invert this as C is not even 5ft. Since then my other sister K has also been added into the mix. Both C & K have very different body shapes and so the dress which has been picked for my MOH will not suit K. 

Now I have had an idea in my head for the type of dress which I am looking for K which keeps to the theme and suits her body shape and this pic below is totally THAT dress. I just need it in black and this dress' starting price is about £300 and with a wedding on a budget this is a no no. 

(image online) 

Its perfect though. The tiny cap sleeves, the length and waisted sash - I love it. I just have to find it...within our budget of £150. Please keep eyes peeled for me! 

In other news: Blood results came back clear - although a relief totally of no use to me. Still dizzy, still lightheaded, still slightly staggering every now and then with no idea of what it could be?! Frustrated is not the word. Fuming however comes closer to describing it. 

Thursday, 30 June 2011

I can't help but wonder

What she will be wearing tomorrow...

I'm so dizzzzzzzy

Morning - I write today from my pit. I am off work poorly sick.

For the past week I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded pretty much constantly throughout the day. Its a feeling like I can't describe except I feel like I am floating and yesterday my balance was completely off so I ended up leaving the office early and making the 2 hour trip home. on.the.bus. hmph.

Every time I say "I'm so dizzy" I feel like I singing a line from this song!

Today I shall find out the results to my blood tests so that will hopefully give me answers and a miracle cure - please and thank you. Initially when I went to the doctors on Tuesday...and made mum hold my hand while the nurse took my blood he said my results would be 2 hours which I was massively impressed with. Slip of the tongue. 2 days he meant.

Wish me well!!

But for now here is a couple of things that are on my wish list for the week:

Wish I had the balls to wear this but my head is large enough on its own, I doubt I need to bring attention to it any further. 2 words STEAK head.

And since my quest for tops I have now moved back to my first love of dresses and this one definitely makes next months shortlist.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011


As previously mentioned here my boy brought me the shirt which I had been raving about AND as luck had it the treat had been reduced to £19 (from £30), which is so a bargain -  if you ask me. Now I just have to wait paitently for it to arrive and then comes the test - will it look on me as it does on her? I have a sneaking suspicion that possibly not. But well a girl can dream.

Today I have had a slight obsession with tops. Shirts, blouses, vests, whatever you wish to call them. I have a distinct lack of them in my life, I realised recently when surveying my wardrobe (this will come as no surprise to my boy) but I have a tremendous amount of dresses but not many separates I would almost go as far as to say nil! So because of this revelation my clothing budget for this month can only and I repeat only see me buying separates - this means a total exclusion of dresses and play/ jumpsuits...for one month only - this is much harder for me than as you would think as already on a couple of my fave websites I have spotted and saved 'for later' approx 5 dresses *slaps hand* no no. So as my wardrobe is distinctly lacking in staples I have been doing slight research and collating my own ideas for what is missing. When having a nosey online I came across this pic of Olivia Palermo in this article which coincidently makes me very jealous. This more because I fancy her than because I want the boots. The girl can do no wrong. 

If I am honest though there is nothing in the article that made me think "oh how have I lived without..." as I have pretty much everything suggested except the leather jacket and in July although the weather is miserable I can live without a leather jacket. So quick conclusion perhaps its quantity of staples I require aka LOTS of clothes. Question: How far can I make my monthly clothing budget go?!  

Monday, 20 June 2011

Monday Mop Up

Good evening on this rainy Monday night I have just got back from visiting my Nana in hospital who was in surprisingly high spirits considering...possibly the morphine?

How miserable is this weather?! I ought to be wearing my summer wardrobe and not still be clad in tights, cardigans and my knee highs. Although I will confess I don't mind miserable mid-week weather especially when I am locked away in the office between the hours of 8-5 bells but a bit of sunshine wouldn't go a miss.

Today at work I finally felt like I had got straight with my work - you know what I mean? Since being off for the 3 weeks in April/ May to go gallivanting round Germany and Poland and then again another week more recently in June to Socks sit while the parentals were in Las Vegas I just hadn't managed to get to the bottom of my To Do list. But today was that day. Emails fired off left, right and centre and although the end of the To Do list is not yet reached I can see it yayy! It so annoyed me though this morning at 8:20am sharp when I opened my Microsoft Outlook and had received 25 emails all from system administrator informing me I am over my memory limit - surely just the one email is needed? and who really is picking up emails at 2am, 3am, 4am in the morning on a Sunday...not moi! Total duplication of work and totally not needed just another nuisance on a Monday morning. So I shall expect the same again tomorrow. (negative?!)

Anyway, the diet was going well today I even bragged on my twitter how I had gone the whole day and not eaten choco, biccies or crispies...then I got the hospital and a cafe mocha and kitkat later and well the rest they say is history or in my case all resting in my belly. Tuesday is another day I suppose? Advice from my friend Elizabeth also a fellow bride-to-be was to not start properly dieting for the ole wedding until 7 months in advance, maybe this piece of advice I shall follow haha I am so just finding any excuse to be greedy and continue eating vanilla cheesecake like the one me and the boy devoured last night. FIT.

This morning on my way to work I got my daily @LibertyLndnGirl newsletter which always cheers me up no end especially with the subject this Monday morning being on worklife balance something very dear to my Human Resources heart. Also - I came across this little treat of a blog today She Likes Shoes which has made its way into my favourites at work especially liking the blog on Monet, he is one of my faves! I shall never forget my first time in the National in London and seeing his work in the flesh their is no feeling like it. Awe-inspiring I tell you.

Right - I think it is time to retire upstairs to the bedroom. Shower, mills and boon and just because that's the kind of girl I am (aka lazy) I shall give the mop as rest and let it dry au natural and 'boffed' as the boy says.

Night Nighty.

Sunday, 19 June 2011

and Finally...

Happy Father's Day



I have been on and off (although mainly on) a diet since October 2009. Even as I typed that then I had to do a double check because jeez that sure is a long time dieting...isn't it?! Don't get me wrong I have had times when I have completely veered off track such as the time me and the boy when to Munich and I ate and ate and ate and ate like a pig...when ironically it was a whole load of pork knuckle and sausages that I stuffed down my throat.

Anyway, the past few weeks I was definatly OFF the diet for the most part but since meeting the dressmaker on last Saturday and being told that basically I have until October to lose the weight I want to as this is when my dress will commence to be brought into being, I have been focused.

I have over the 2 years lost a fair whack of weight already even if I do brag so myself, 51lbs to be exact.

This week my running partner and me have been pounding the pavement Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and already I can feel the difference.

Its mental but you would think knowing I am getting married in 41 weeks (yes I am counting) this would stop me reaching for chocolate...crisp...and erm pretty much whatever is available to shove in my mouth and instead live on salad and steamed things but no.

A definite no if this weekend is anything to go by...a sneaky double cheeseburger on my drive home from Bradford today and then a snickers but following it up with a plate of veg for tea.

I have made plans for running, aerobics and swimming this week...if that helps?

Seriously lackage of will power.


This is pretty

Check this tempted to run to the shops and make one of these bad boys!!

I just saw this and swooned

Wish I looked like Lana Del Rey loving this tune

Sunday, 12 June 2011

The Sunday Sum Up

So while the parentals have been living the dream in Las Vegas on honeymoon I have spent the week babysitting our beautiful bichon frise Socks, known hereafter as The Brother. 

Inbetween walks around the local cemetery and socalising with the other pooches I have managed to find time in my busy schedule to undertake a number activities. Tuesday I attended Take That with my boy, my cousin and his friend Katie - they were amazing. A massive Take That fan when I was little I revert back to a screaming kid shouting at the top of my voice 'MARKKKKKKKKK' asif he could even hear me. Arh well worth a try!

Wednesday I cooked tea for 10 of my lovely ladies follwed by a couple bottles of vino...and a cheeky bit of vodka. The Poor Brother retreated upstairs to cover his ears I expect as when we get together we all tend to talk at one of two volumes Loud and Louder. The subject matter started blue haha and by the end of the night we were reminising of our youthful days and before I knew it we had created a school reunion event on you do!

Thursday I went for a run. That is all, and is about the sum total of all I did to aid any weight loss this week. This however is to change this coming week.

Friday we made appointments to give notice of our marriage eeeek!! We also did a few other wedding bits like speaking with the photographer and my boy messaged the band we are hoping to have at our reception so fingers crossed for us please. The weather was crappy as it has been all weekend so as a treat after I had mithered him senseless the boy caved and took me out to lunch where we stuffed ourselves stiff, came home and had a very lovely and well deserved afternoon nap...which lasted about 2 hours. oops!

Saturday was a busy one, up and at 'em. The boy was working refurbing the art studio and I went off to spend a nice day with my mother-in-law to be and to visit the lady is who going to be making my wedding dress. Her studio in an old mill was big and airy and I got a good gut feeling about her. *does happy dance* I then went off for tea with two of my bestest girls to celebrate one of their birthdays but also their impending motherhood (due date next Friday). They are my 2 bestest friends from our uni days where we would do art and discuss our weekly 'whats new with you' every Monday in our cold, damp and not very stable studios.

Today (Sunday) was another miserable day. Even The Brother didn't want to play out instead choosing to sleep on the couch squashed between me and the boy for most of it. Anyway, we made the effort and off we went to this which was pretty excellent. I got soaked in my blue maxi and green wedges but my boy treated me to a very pretty dress and a meat and potato pasty. Can't say fairer than that hey?!

This week I am back to work, I have my slimming world magazine at the ready, ipod is charged so I am ready to be hitting the pavements with my trusty running partner Jodie and get cracking on this supposedly wedding diet! Wish me luck and good night x

I remember...I'll never be

I have never been the girl the boys are crazyinlove about.
There is no one with my name engraved on their arm. 
I am not that girl you have to try terribly hard to impress - straight down the line no games.
So please don't despair I'm not about to break your heart. 

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

The Love Bridge

The boy and I undertook a trip over the easter period to Hamburg, Germany where we lived on a shoe string budget of 25 cent beers from the supermarket, fizzy (yuck!) water, bread and coleslaw. Following on from there we spent many memorable days in Lodz exploring the Manufacktura, eating smalec and drinking lots of beer.

Image from My boys blog.

Before going on another train journey to Wroclaw. On picking up the 'Wroclaw in your pocket' travel guide which I found in our hovel of a hotel I came across a little side story about a 'Love Bridge' I swooned.

You see I am a girl like any other, I love Mills + Boon, romcoms, flowers, fairytales - you name it I am on it. And here was a romantic monument just minutes from my room.
The bridge which I am raving about is called Tumski and is in the old part of Wroclaw. So off we toddled and even though for that particular day the sun didn't shine on us and we were p*ss wet through the bridge for me (maybe not my boy) was stunning. I took a few photos on my blackberry camera to keep with me and although me and Jared opted to not take part in the tradition, instead saving our money for more sensible piwo and food stuffs I was rather taken aback by all those before us who had gone along and felt they had to go get a padlock and have it engraved and add to this.

And of course as I am a girl - I loved it and it made me think of all that we do when we are fully in love. You know that head-over-heels all consuming type of love. The type of love that doesn't really show itself all that often which is probably best seeing as there would be Romeo & Juliet's all over the place.

It was that craving for a happy ending which inbred into females from an early age which I pondered that day when we visited the Love Bridge...I'm still pondering.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Going to the chapel & we're going to get marrrrieddd

I recently entered into a special world of wedding planning. I am in love.
With my trusty pukka pad, wedding mags and plastic page savers I am content and happy.

Since getting engaged in May I have been full steam ahead with our plans. Working in a predominatry female environment the wedding fairy has been around sprinkling her dust. We have had 4 weddings already with another 1 to come and then ours! So it was only right that a few mags where going spare. This is the little lot I managed to inherit from our most recent bride in the department Annie.

With my excel spreadsheet, and love of wedding blogs our plans are well underway. With our total budget of £5k we have hired The Monastery for the ceremony and Islington Mill for the evening do and only today decided on our colour scheme (red, white and blue by the way) which was actually my boys suggestion. What do you think?

My mum got married to my stepdad on Saturday it was the most amazing day. I had helped plan their day for around 12 months before and it couldn't have gone any better. They have been together a lifetime of 24 years already and the whole day was totally fitting of them. The house is covered in cards and wedding memorbilia scattered around. I love it.

Mostly I will be writing about all that is going on in our little world, some wedding related some not. I am so excited for what is to come.

But for now, this was my first post and I bid you good night.