In response to Generation Undecided

Well where to begin, with every line I am reading in this weeks Grazia article entitled Generation Undecided I am nodding and almost shouting out loud on the bus “that’s me, that’s me, I agree – what’s the solution?”.

Because although I agree with Sophie 100% I do wish – at times – I was more content with my lot that I didn’t constantly want more and better and it seems its not just me. My sister’s best friend sent her this the other day:

“God, if I can’t have what I want, let me want what I have”

And for today. On this miserable Friday – I agree. Or at least did until a Mui Mui bag came into my office and in my sight line and I panicked and thought HOW DOES SHE OWN ONE?! Because you see like most if not all girls I love nice things – the majority are out of my price range but hey ho no harm is scouring the net and shops, tweeting about stuff I want, going on powerwalks with @est1989 further talking about WHAT I WANT, NEED, MUST HAVE in my life.

The constant questioning of myself every Monday morning – am I in the right job, should I have topped up to the MSc NOW rather than in a year or so, why did you eat that burger over the weekend……it goes on. Luckily for me I tend to only evaluate on Mondays.

That’s why I totally identified with Sophie in the article. We constantly evaluate – me especially – where I am in my Plan…as in The Plan because I have one of those too and it involves me settling in a Georgian house somewhere growing veg, online shopping and lots of holidays and cycling at the weekend or high-powered CEO bb constantly stuck to my ear bit like Meryl in Devil Wears Prada but without the grey hair. In.de.cis.ive is me. #FOMO (fearofmissingout).

My very first blog a couple of years ago entitled “Why Can’t I Have Everything” taken from a Topshop t-shirt I own moans about how we are told at University we can have it all, everything is in our grasp. As a result of this I spent my first year of full time work constantly measuring myself against these invisible bars I have placed for myself. My 21yr old self once after a conversation with a 29yr old finance accountant who was on around £45k told me as long as I was on the same salary as my age I was doing ok – only ok?! I almost cried. At this point I was on £15k – I had failed in life.

Our focus on what we actually want or who we want to be constantly changes which makes it even harder to reach the goals we set for ourselves. Take the past 20 odd months my main aim has been to lose weight – it then shifted not only do I want to lose weight but I want to be fit – now I want to be skinny, fit & healthy – all the time. Until I have 2 or more cocktails and then I am wishing I was 19 again sweating in some club going home with a pizza and an empty bank account.

Maybe the first step of Generation Undecided is accepting that you can’t have everything, but then my whiny response would be BUT WHY?!

Late Friday post

I wanted to post this last night....but forgot to:

Its been one of those days when something happens and it takes your breath away and leaves you standing still in surprise. You stop what you doing, and you pick up the phone and call rather than text because its an immediate response thats needed. When you keep shaking your head and actually can't quite believe it, like by shaking your head you will be able to make some sense of it all.


Then the questioning and the wonder that its been allowed to happen, and who allowed it and why has it been allowed and surely its not right nor fair.

Hi - I can't stop long....

I'm offically crap.

I haven't blogged for ages.

I need a kick up my bum but I have been busy but everyone's busy. Anyone missed me?!

Weddingville has totally taken over my life. I am spending my lunches following up emails, batting of questions to the venue about how many plates they've got (10 btw), wine glasses (25) and checking places like ikea for the cheapest dinner plate (31p) and do you know what I love it - and I like to think I am pretty good at it too. Tonight I am taking my friend to ikea to load up on 31p plates. They are cream - my mum ever the dramatic "CREAM!!! oh no - cream is horrible - why cream - no white, white plates we need". I like to think that cream is possibly one of the most inoffensive colours ever invented and white plates are £2 odd and when I am buying close to 80 of the things 31p cream plates will do ME not We.

Diet has been going you know - well (pauses to think)...I think - hmmm. You would think that the thought of having a dress fitting in approx 10 weeks would be enough to stop me scoffing 7.5 syn Walkers Baked crisp but no (remember I am slimming world ambassador). I have however been running twice a week with Jodie and now 'power' walking (and talking) with Leanne also twice a week. It is our therapy - we moan about life, lack of money, clothing prices. You know the usual and then last night I followed it up with 2 glasses of rose (6 syns each) gulp. We also like it just being the two of us. It is our own walking gang.

I am not just running, walking but in addition to this swimming as well - my fitness knows no bounds. I still only lost 1lb this week. Hollow Laugh. I blame the boy.

Update: Following my pledge of slimming world ambassador the boy made me sausages for tea (5 syns each)...and confession I also ate a 50p hotdog at Ikea I NEED HELP.

Help Required...

As you know I am getting married in March 2012 and as I am chief organiser most spare moments on the internet are spent looking for bits and bats for the wedding...as I am sure most brides-to-be do. 

Its become a quest of mine saving images from the blogs I scour for ideas, making list after list, double checking the Budget with a capital B such is its importance, firing off emails and awaiting with baited breath for quotes to be returned. 

I decided fairly early on that I wanted the every increasingly popular 50's type of themed wedding. Mostly this is based on the MOH dress which I have found online for my sister C. Initially I was having 3 little bridesmaids which is made up of our nieces and 1 'big' bridesmaid - I invert this as C is not even 5ft. Since then my other sister K has also been added into the mix. Both C & K have very different body shapes and so the dress which has been picked for my MOH will not suit K. 

Now I have had an idea in my head for the type of dress which I am looking for K which keeps to the theme and suits her body shape and this pic below is totally THAT dress. I just need it in black and this dress' starting price is about £300 and with a wedding on a budget this is a no no. 

(image online) 

Its perfect though. The tiny cap sleeves, the length and waisted sash - I love it. I just have to find it...within our budget of £150. Please keep eyes peeled for me! 

In other news: Blood results came back clear - although a relief totally of no use to me. Still dizzy, still lightheaded, still slightly staggering every now and then with no idea of what it could be?! Frustrated is not the word. Fuming however comes closer to describing it. 

I can't help but wonder

What she will be wearing tomorrow...

I'm so dizzzzzzzy

Morning - I write today from my pit. I am off work poorly sick.

For the past week I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded pretty much constantly throughout the day. Its a feeling like I can't describe except I feel like I am floating and yesterday my balance was completely off so I ended up leaving the office early and making the 2 hour trip home. on.the.bus. hmph.

Every time I say "I'm so dizzy" I feel like I singing a line from this song!

Today I shall find out the results to my blood tests so that will hopefully give me answers and a miracle cure - please and thank you. Initially when I went to the doctors on Tuesday...and made mum hold my hand while the nurse took my blood he said my results would be 2 hours which I was massively impressed with. Slip of the tongue. 2 days he meant.

Wish me well!!

But for now here is a couple of things that are on my wish list for the week:

Wish I had the balls to wear this but my head is large enough on its own, I doubt I need to bring attention to it any further. 2 words STEAK head.

And since my quest for tops I have now moved back to my first love of dresses and this one definitely makes next months shortlist.

UPDATE

As previously mentioned here my boy brought me the shirt which I had been raving about AND as luck had it the treat had been reduced to £19 (from £30), which is so a bargain -  if you ask me. Now I just have to wait paitently for it to arrive and then comes the test - will it look on me as it does on her? I have a sneaking suspicion that possibly not. But well a girl can dream.

(ASOS)

Today I have had a slight obsession with tops. Shirts, blouses, vests, whatever you wish to call them. I have a distinct lack of them in my life, I realised recently when surveying my wardrobe (this will come as no surprise to my boy) but I have a tremendous amount of dresses but not many separates I would almost go as far as to say nil! So because of this revelation my clothing budget for this month can only and I repeat only see me buying separates - this means a total exclusion of dresses and play/ jumpsuits...for one month only - this is much harder for me than as you would think as already on a couple of my fave websites I have spotted and saved 'for later' approx 5 dresses *slaps hand* no no. So as my wardrobe is distinctly lacking in staples I have been doing slight research and collating my own ideas for what is missing. When having a nosey online I came across this pic of Olivia Palermo in this article which coincidently makes me very jealous. This more because I fancy her than because I want the boots. The girl can do no wrong. 

If I am honest though there is nothing in the article that made me think "oh how have I lived without..." as I have pretty much everything suggested except the leather jacket and in July although the weather is miserable I can live without a leather jacket. So quick conclusion perhaps its quantity of staples I require aka LOTS of clothes. Question: How far can I make my monthly clothing budget go?!